“Mail order brides” and the international marriage game is like skydiving – at first you’re terrified but once you’re safely on the ground, you feel exhilarated by the adventure.
Getting a “mail order bride” allows what Mark Davis, CEO of the International Marriage Agency Dream Connections, to escape the “tyranny of low quality Western Women.” Sick of the local product? Pack your bags and go to the Ukraine, Philippines, Columbia or any of the other “mail order bride” countries and find quality women with what many of the IMA’s call “traditional values.”
But once you’ve found your off-shores sweetie, how do you break it to your friends and family? They are going to regurgitate what they’ve heard on Dr. Phil and other horror stories spread around the grapevine.
She just wants your money. She just wants a green card. Once she gets here, she’s going to become what Davis calls a “B.B.D. hunter” and cheat on you with the Bigger Better Deal that just bought the latest BMW 7-series.
Here are some comments that Davis has pierced together on a Dream Connections webinar concerning this very topic. Says one man who emailed Davis about the criticism from those close to him:
“The biggest piece of criticism I get is that what I’m doing isn’t ‘natural.’ One of my family members said, ‘Relationships are supposed to be natural and things are just supposed to happen organically. It shouldn’t be planned like that.’ I reply by telling her that she’s got the luxury of saying that because she’s a woman and all she has to do is put on makeup and a dress and wait for the men to come. Being a man, I have to go out and initiate things if I want them to happen the way I’d like.”
I guess eHarmony and match.com are “natural” forms of digitally seeking mates on this new Internet thing while international marriage sites are “inorganic” and scammy.
So what are some strategies for battling through the stereotypes, misconceptions and myths and defend yourself as well as your newfound bride or girlfriend? The first step is to educate yourself.
Consider this myth – the marriage won’t last long. Talk to Dream Connections and other IMA’s and discover that international marriage last longer than domestic ones. Granted the study backing up this IMA claim is 15 years old and not confirmed by the USCIS or any other government or educational institution that we could find, but at least there are some numbers here to base an argument.
Said another Dream Connections emailer on arming himself with knowledge and ignoring the Haters:
“I know the comments made by family, friends or strangers are coming from ignorance. Years ago, this might of upset me personally. Today, it’s not that they upset me by what they say, but that I upset myself through my own ignorance – that I don’t know the answer for myself. I only listen to people when they know more than I do… everything else is talk.”
The second step is dropping some knowledge on the Haters. Davis argues for the “Feel Felt Found” technique that he read in a marketing book and applies to much of his life in general. First, when encountering a particularly confrontational Hater, diffuse the situation by telling them you understand how they feel. Next, further burrow into their cozy web of ignorance by telling them that you felt the same way at one time. Finally, reorient them to a new paradigm by assuring them that, after looking into the matter further, you found Bigger Better Information.
And when the information angle doesn’t work, you can just lie. When news Ukraine confronted by a particularly nasty Hater, Law Jackson, a co-host on the Dream Connection webinar, tells the person that he met his wife at a singles event when traveling abroad on business. This could be just degrees from The Truth if you met your wife on a romance tour abroad.
Finally, if all the above strategies don’t work, you can become a betting man. Brandon, a caller on the Dream Connections webinar, suggested taking the Vegas solution.
If you encounter a friend, maybe female, who is particularly critical of your international dating and marriage option, offer her a bet. Tell her that you will let her be in charge of your romantic situation for the next month. You’ll go where she wants, wear the clothes that she wants and say the lines that she wants you to say. For all this, she has to take full responsibility for the success of failure of your romantic endeavors. According to Brandon, no Hater has ever taken him up on this offer.
Bottom-line, according to Davis, don’t listen to the Haters. If you do, you’ll still be alone with no adventure or affection in your life. So take the plunge!
